Dangerous Dan’s? Bigger burgers make for bigger taste and hearts more clogged.
Dangerous Dan’s Diner
714 Queen Street East
Toronto, ON M4M 1H2
When City TV called it “Probably the Most Unhealthy Restaurant in Canada,” Dangerous Dan’s happily branded itself with this identity — they even quote City on their menu. Sitting at the corner of Broadview and Queen, this greasy spoon diner has a very lived-in feel, and if you ever visit, you’ll certainly be sitting in the restaurant for hours long after you’ve finished your meal, wishing you can fall asleep right then and there. You may even say that you’re so happy you could “sleep forever.”
For those of you who live a healthy lifestyle and haven’t got a clue why people still eat McDonald’s even after Spurlock’s Supersize Me, this post is not for you. Proceed with caution. For those of you who don’t and would die if you ever saw the golden double arches disappear, please continue and have tissues handy to catch the drool before it hits the keyboard.
We’d heard about the burgers from Dangerous Dan’s, and then we finally saw photos — we just couldn’t imagine how to get your mouth around so large a burger! Merky and I no doubt longed for the two-dimensional to become three- and to finally be in our hands. At the same time, we were terrified for our hearts.
Not knowing exactly how big Dangerous Dan’s burgers were, we resolved to split one and an order of Fish and Chips (two pieces for $9.49), and I know subbing half a burger for a deep-fried fish is not really a solution (i.e., to save our arteries), but fish is far less intimidating than a burger. I hold these fish and chips slightly above Aunty Mary’s in the category of taste — they’re likely greasier at Dan’s — but you get your money’s worth in Scarborough.
Oh, we also had shakes (strawberry and vanilla). For a small, it’s $3.33 and $4.20 for a large, and you get a hefty variety to choose from! They can be a little clumpy during some sips, but they certainly beat just ordering water or pop. Now, onto the drool-worthy bit, what Dangerous Dan’s is best known for!
Yep, that’s an 8oz burger! Merky and I halved the Big Kevorkian ($6.99). If you’re not sure of what you’re looking at, let me list the toppings for you: between buns and around an 8oz patty, fried onion, fried mushrooms, two slices of fried bacon, deep fried pickle, garlic dressing, mayo. Pretty much fried everything! I normally hate the feeling of oil on my lips, but I want another! The truly ambitious can add an extra 8oz patty for $3.25.
Quite a few of the items on the menu are named after celebrities, including Elvis and De Niro. Jack Kevorkian is a right-to-die activist who famously said, “Dying is not a crime.” I can’t help but think, “How fitting.”
Our friend Phil had the Coronary Burger Special ($15.25). As the description on their menu says, that’s two 8oz patties with four slices of bacon, two slices of cheddar and a fried egg, served with fries and gravy (pictured below), and a can of pop (Coke, in Phil’s case). Neither one of us got the chance to taste the Coronary Burger — he hates to share good food but he’ll gladly take from your plate — but when Phil gets quiet during a meal, we know he’s really enjoying his meal and it must be good.
While he was busy putting down his 16oz — let that number sink in — burger, we stole gravy for our own fries. It looks like ordinary diner gravy, but it was delicious! I’m sure that if we were given the chance, we’d each drink a cup of that gravy, but we’d never admit it.
Dangerous Dan’s has humour, embracing their heart-stopping selection and promoting unhealthy diets with posters that say, “While we still have healthcare!” But it doesn’t stop at bad diets — they’ve got a deep fried, beer-battered banana that they call “Tasty Wang,” which is served with two balls of ice cream, honey, and whipped cream. Really, the only difference between a Tasty Wang and a Deep Fried Mars Bar is an obvious one. (Instead of a banana, you get a Mars bar.) See below.
For dessert, we finally grabbed the opportunity to try the Deep Fried Mars Bar ($5.30 alone, or as the Royal Option for $3.95 when ordered with a special) we had heard so much about. While I wouldn’t have one to myself because the caramel sticks too to my teeth much for my liking, the deep fried Mars bar is as amazing as they say! Best eaten with equal parts Mars bar and ice/whipped cream.
Of course, I would never recommend eating at Dangerous Dan’s on a regular basis, but I will suggest that everyone who loves to eat as much as we do visit and have a burger! (Had I known how good the Kevorkian would be, I would’ve had it all to myself.) The comfy (car) seats will definitely support your sudden increase in weight. Just be careful though when the itis kicks in, they also invite you to sleep.
And, if you can’t trek down to Broadview and Queen because you live a lazy life but live within the boundaries, Dangerous Dan’s does delivery!
From burgers to Mars bars, everything tastes better fried! Seriously.
ps. Hey! I just learned from the Golden Globes that You Don’t Know Jack is about Jack Kevorkian.